This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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