Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
