i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
