OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
