Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
