woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
