No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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