My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
