Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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