i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
