he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
