is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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