god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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