I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
