I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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