He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
