they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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