Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
