i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
