I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I puked a lego.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
