I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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