we have pet lesbian snakes
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
