Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
