Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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