Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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