Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
