Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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