it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
