That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize