im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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