Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize