upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
