I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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