I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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