Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
