My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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