you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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