Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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