Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
