guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
