i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize