For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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