Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
