Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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