Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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