im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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