I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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