This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
