Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
