i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
