i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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