I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
