Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
