You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
