I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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