He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
