Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
