K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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