he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
