I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
