We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
