I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
